Hi Gang-

I hope your holidays were full of love and fun. I got an Atheist for Christmas, which proves petitionary prayer works.

I am back at it having lots of nomadic mischief in 2013 and I want to invite you to the party - get your dancing shoes on! Get your homeopathic dose of debauchery administered! Get your First Aid Kit out! Get on the phone with Centers for Disease control!

I will meet you at the following places at the designated times for uproariously hilarity and equal measures vulnerable sincerity. Let's take our singulars and make a plural !

Hi Friends!

It's an exciting time to be on tour. As I've travelled far and wide, I've purchased gifts for each of you, selected in airport shops, mammoth malls, and road side trinket trucks. When you come to a show, I will present them with a hug.

You, Steven? I got you a Pony, a Shetlan Pony.

You, Bobby? Well, here's you're BB Gun, go shoot out an eye.

You, Helen? Here's your quilt, sewn from the lost socks of 1,000 driers across the Midwest.