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Older Top Five Lists

Top Five Things To Pee Into

  1. Your Brother's Golf Bag
  2. A Mountain Dew Bottle You Then Carelessly Put In The Cup Holder And Forget
    About Until The Next Morning When Still Half Asleep And Thirsty As Hell You
    Thoughtlessly Reach For The Closest Available Beverage
  3. The Couch Your Best Friends Mother Just Bought To Showcase The Living Room
  4. The Wind
  5. The Future

Top Five Bands Famous In Canada But Unknown In the U.S.

  1. Tea Party
  2. Kim Kuzma
  3. Loverboy
  4. Tragically Hip
  5. Stuart Davis

Top Five Hockey Rinks In Minnesota

  1. Braemar, Edina
  2. Warroad (outdoor)
  3. Farmington
  4. Breck (the one they tore down)
  5. Lake Marion in February, Lakeville

Top Five Canadian Puns

  1. Canadeity
  2. Torontological
  3. Saskatchewannabe
  4. Regina (no pun needed, just name)
  5. North Magnetic Pole-Vaulter

Top Five Reasons Light Is Confusing

  1. It's the homophonic antonym for heavy
  2. It's a wave no, it's a particle no, it's a wave.
  3. Arrives before it leaves, leaves after it arrives.
  4. Yew' know when it's split by means of a prism or diffraction
    grating, or such a band containing bright or dark lines corresponding to
    the frequencies emitted or absorbed, and characteristic of the light
    source, den ya' gets dat damn pattern of absorption or emission of any
    electromagnetic radiation over a range of wavelengths characteristic of a
    body or substance wha's up wih' dat shit?
  5. Says one thing, does another.

Top Five Def Leppard Songs

  1. Pour Some Sugar On Me
  2. Foolin'
  3. Rock Of Ages
  4. Photograph
  5. Bringing On The Heartache

Top Five Combinations

  1. Minneapolis / St. Paul
  2. Form / Emptiness
  3. 0 / 1 (Binary Code)
  4. In / Out
  5. Garlic / Olive Oil

Top Five Stuart Davis Paintings

  1. Eggbeater No. 2
  2. New York Mural
  3. Blips and Ifs
  4. Report From Rockport
  5. Self Portrait

Top Five Stuart Davis Paintings

  1. The Cover to Self Untitled CD
  2. The Black Guitar
  3. The White Guitar
  4. Nude With Chakras
  5. Stairwell In His Residence

Top Five Women I'm Too Shy To Speak To

  1. Cashier Woman at Taraccino, Ames
  2. Foreign Woman With Child, Minneapolis Post Office
  3. Ticket Agent Woman, Vancouver Airport, Gate 86
  4. Sullen Woman at New French Cafe Minneapolis (when I'm sober)
  5. Lena Olin

Top Five Modes Of Spirit

  1. Immanent
  2. Transcendent
  3. Manifest
  4. Unmanifest
  5. Peter Gabriel

Top Five Actors

  1. John Turturro
  2. Klaus Kinski
  3. James Spader
  4. John Cusack
  5. Christopher Walken

Top Five Actresses

  1. Patricia Arquette
  2. Nastassja Kinski
  3. Meryl Streep
  4. Joan Cusack
  5. Ticket Agent Woman At Gate 86 Who Acts Like She's Not Attracted
    To Me

Top Five Jimi Englund Characters

  1. Urban Gang Member
  2. English Rock Star
  3. Indian
  4. Northern Minnesota Outdoorsman Closet Homosexual
  5. Guy Who's Afraid Of (*GULP*) Ghosts

Top Five Female Body Parts

  1. Collar Bone
  2. Stomach (the external part)
  3. Mouth
  4. First 3rd Of The Inside Of The Anus
  5. Eyes

Top Five Languages During Sex

  1. Persian
  2. Portuguese
  3. Manx
  4. Aramaic
  5. Sign

Top Five Quarks

  1. Up
  2. Top
  3. Strange
  4. Down
  5. Charm / Bottom (two way tie)

Top Five Ascetic Renunciations

  1. Genital Congress
  2. Alcohol
  3. Orgasm
  4. Sleep
  5. Food

Top Five Misunderstood Stuart Davis Songs

  1. Doppelganger Body Donor (with a bullet)
  2. Someone Else's Ears
  3. Ani I Adore
  4. Only Echoes
  5. Progress

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In the Press

Davis may be the best songwriter you’ve never heard of.

-Des Moines Register