Song Of The Day: Murder Suicide
Word Of The Day: Recrement
1) the superfluous or useless portion of any substance; refuse, dross, scum, off-scouring
2) spec. a waste product or excretion of an animal or vegetable body; also Physiol., a fluid which is separated from the blood and again absorbed into it, as the saliva or bile (opp. to excrement)

This one is very special to me. One of my indelible memories of making this song is of being in the studio with my daughter, she was almost two at the time, and she just couldn't bear to hear this song. She literally started crying every time we played it. We were trying to work on it, listen and do some reviews, but we couldn't get through fifteen seconds of it without her breaking down and bawling. And that was a very strange experience, because I was holding her, and I could tell -you just know some things as a parent- that even though she could not understand the words (she couldn't really speak yet) the music was hitting her, she was open, vulnerable, exposed, and it just went into her and landed in her belly. What was spookiest was the way she would cry. As a parent you get to know the different kinds of crying your kid has -whining, pissed off, hungry, sleepy/grumpy, scared, etc. This one was different. This crying was profound sadness, and when you hear a two year old weeping in profound sadness, it's crushing. So, we shut the song off and we literally were unable to work on it while she was in the studio. She just couldn't hear it without breaking down.

For me, the song has always gone right into my belly. Especially once producer Alex Gibson added the string parts and orchestration (which come in on the line "she chose a lens that clouds the heart") it just sinks into my body and hits me with a wave of pain. The song was originally inspired by a friend of mine who had been with a certain spiritual community for a long, long time. She was one of the senior students, and then she left, and the way the community (especially the teacher) responded to her leaving revealed a great deal about the shadow of the teacher and the community. It really tore her up. Might as well have been the mafia. The murder suicide part is just the bizarre dynamic of any real intimacy that gets infected with pathology. People get close, their beings blend, and then one (or both) lashes out to hurt the other one, but they're internal to each other. They aren't "other" anymore (are we ever?).

All those years
in heaven's game
She thought his shadow
was a flame
looking for the light of love
looking for the light
light of love

She chose a lens
that clouds the heart
Fell through holes
and bruised her parts
Held her tongue
and lost her teeth
Kissed the hand
that bound her feet

And the angel stayed
till something died
one more murder suicide

Looking for the light of love
looking for the light
light of love