Song Of The Day: Adult Education / Hall And Oats
Word Of The Day: Oneiric / Pertaining to dreams

Guess who's pregnant? My wife. That's right, I knocked her up again. I totally, SO impregnated her. My secret? My strategy? It's three-fold. If you're not a doctor, skip to the next blog, things are about to become exceedingly technical.

First, I put IT (always refer to your own sexual organs in third person, unless you're determined to go to hell) in ALL the way.
Second, I thrust it. Warning: If you're over nineteen years of age, once may not be sufficient.
Third, I expel a pell-mell swell of my gel inside the reproductive cavity. The recipient has just won the lottery of love. Pow! New life.

Ladies and gentlmen, do you know how many "tries" it took me to knock up my wife? One. Uno. That's all I need. Do NOT doubt me. You know what? I'm not gonna talk about it, I'm not gonna say a word about it. You need proof, I will be happy to impregnate you. Who wants it? Who wants my baby? I am a fucking progeny vending machine. Frankly, I'm getting bored with the ease of it all. First time you knock someone up, it's like, cool. Hey, I can create life. I am God. My sack is a couldron of semen seeking someone to inseminate. Second time you knock somone up, it's like, that's nice. It's a pattern. We're into a collective now -a population- a sampling has been generated. But now, I think my next feat of issue will need to be a step up. I've pretty much demonstrated my unexcelled capacity to totally, radically knock up any woman in the World up (as personified by my wife). The gross dimension simply holds no challenge for me. I've mastered that theatre of coupling. Now, I think I'm going to move into the subtle and causal vagina. I also am ready to expand into both sexes. I'm ready for the transpersonal Olympics of conception. What I'm saying:

I want to get angels pregnant, and I want to do it by fucking them in their angel-asses. Before you start in with "heresy this, blashpemy that", admit YOU DO NOT understand Angelic anatomy, and I DO. Do not foist your corporeal sensibilites on an incorporeal enterprise, you victorian FUCK. Angels do not have vaginas, but they do have assholes, and that's where fundamentalists come from. In fact, I want to impregnate all variety of "spirit" entities, not just angels (although I'll start with Angels, cuz they're easy, and horny as SHIT). I've got my subtle rod on. I'm going to let loose with my spook-juice in the caboose of every deuce in the noosphere. Zazen is ethereal viagra. Prepare to be seeded, excarnated agents of ?~!~? And I'm not marrying ANY of you (unless you're Lena Olin's soul...), I will father an army of bastard bodhisattva's. I will scatter souls in the dark matter of space, they will number the heavens and hells in manner and modes that will transfigure the Presence at the point of all places. As it is written, let it be done.

I want to get men pregnant too. The gross, subtle, and causal bodies of MEN. Are you such a man? Are you my special guy? Are you ready to bear my children? It's going to start with me taking your "temperature" with the World's most beautiful "thermometer". You ready for my mercury to make its immaculate moppets? Are you prepared to experience your swelling belly infused with my living being, stretching outward to house the emerging potentia of God in Form? Cuz that's what my dangly is all about. I will no longer scatter seeds in the dirt (unless you think the subtle / causual rectum is "dirty", and if that's the case then I"ll say once again; You know not of what's hot, so get back in your spot, you prude snot). I am ready to recognize my phallus as a profusion of untold treasure. Can your vault hold God's Gold?

Scientologists need not apply.