Song Of The Day: Mmm Bob! / Hanson
Word Of The Day: Faff / To spend your time doing a lot of unimportant things instead of the thing you should be doing

That's right, it's my birthday. I am 35 years human. Too bad we can't track rebirths. You know, when I think of birth, I must think of after-birth. What's in that stuff?

I never, never would have predicted I would live this long. When I was 17 I fully expected to be dead at 21, maybe 22. Ah fuck, I remember TURNING 21 and thinking (I shit you not) WOW, I can't believe I lived this long. I always thought I would die young. Miscalculation happily received, Kosmos. I guess that pact I made with the Devil at 19 worked. Luckily I had the forsight to bargain with other people's souls, and although I landed us with a satanic president, I will now live as long as I like.

And now that I have a daughter, I would like to live as long as possible. Being a dad is fucking AWWWsum YA'LL. Plus, I keep meeting such incredible human beings. Each year, my sense of wonder increases, the intoxicating sense that this place is just jam packed with surprises. Oh my, it makes one entertain the vile notion of ... returning to Earth. After the death, before the next birth. There's a dirth of worth in fleeing Earth anus-ways, on 'a 'count 'a this is where all the hot action is. Earth is the trenches, bitches, and of all places to do the work in the Mystery, this one continually ranks top five in the AQAL charts. LICK IT!

I feel, at this ripe wise age of 35, like penetrating the planet in celebration of this gift of life. By penetrate, I mean I literally want to produce an arousal in my nethers, find a swampish bog in the local ground, and commence with the primitive love only farmers truly understand. You say inanimate mantle, I say planetary labia. I won't stop thrusting until there's molten smegma on my cock. I fucked Pangea till it bled Australia. I sunk Atlantis with one nut. Now, at thirty fucking-five I'm gonna slide One Eye in the Continental Divide. Viva la Love!!