Blog entry

Sex Seasons...

Song Of The Day: Four Seasons In One Day / Crowded House
Word Of The Day: Ecbatic / (Grammar) signifying result without intention.

My name Stuahabelle... married to myself.

Oh GAHD the fucking weather. It's so intensely, madly GORGEOUS outside. Ever notice how certain kinds of weather make you want to fuck? Of course you did, but did you ever notice how different kinds of weather evoke different types of sexual desire? Like, for instance:

Early Fall: Let's fuck in a pile of leaves, like we did when we were kids! School is starting, let's fuck behind the school. Spank my disobediant ass with your slide ruler. Rub that eraser in my face, shoot your white-out all over my FACE! Put me in the 'three ring binder'!

Mid Fall: This halloween, let's dress-down as genitally conjoined 'twins' who speak a secret twin language of moans and grunts. You drool, I'll weep.

Late fall: Oh, experience grounded in discrete individuated perspective is as fleeting as the ecstatic, convulsive ballet of muscles pushing and pulsing ejaculate from my swollen member... (*sigh*)

Early Winter: Let's fuck in front of the fire! Let's make fuck-cider and double-twice-fuck under the comforters so no one hears the jarring bedlam of clashing anatomy as we mash naughties into SIN!

Mid Winter: Let's go to Esalen and get naked and troll around the hot tubs and steam baths and see what anonymous tantra wants to be found and have its brown crown unbound and ground into the haunting sound of "down, down, down..."

Late Winter: Get OFF ME! Jesus Christ, I have THE FLU. Does this Vics vapo-rub and steamer say "fucke me" to you? Does this landscape of snot-filled Kleenex seem like an invitation to have your disgusting, lecherous mug all up in my grill? You SICK FUCK. Get me some lemon tea and throw a log on the fire, and I don't wanna see your dick again till my temperature drops below 100. Blech!

Early Spring: Let's make a baby. Let's bring life into the World. Let's combine and redefine. Oh God, let's make babies. I'm going to look into your eyes this time. Ok, one eye. I can't look into both your eyes at once, it freaks me out. Would you mind closing one eye? How bout an eye patch? Let's Pirate fuck some new life into this world. Argghh, matie, I luhvz YE' !

Mid Spring: Fresh air aphrodesiac! I mean, you're already pregnant, so let's just keep doing it. Let's echo conception while the birth control is free and effective. Nothing more effective at preventing pregnancy than pre-existing impregnation.

Late Spring: Oh god, I fucked you so hard it killed the baby. Sorry. According to most esoteric spiritual traditions the soul doesn't actually attach to the body until after five months, so be cool. We'll make another one, with a stronger skull.

Early summer: You look good in shorts. I love the way those shorts show off your knees. Ok ass. Ok camel toe. You look good though. I like the way that wife beater hugs your ribs. Ok, tits.

Mid Summer: Are you hot? I'm hot. Let's take our clothes off. Let's dip some sponges in ice water and measure the tensile response of exo-skeletal soft tissue. Let's fuck and sweat until we're both drenched beyond concern, then jump into the lake. Remember that scene in Blue Lagoon where they have anal sex on a picnic table at a public park? Me neither, and here it is...

Late summer: I love you, let's go camping. My bad. I only brought one sleeping bag. My bad, only got one pillow. Shit, forgot my underwear. I know, I know, you're saving yourself for marriage, I respect that. Hey, you know how some people are sleep-walkers? I'm a bit of a sleep thruster-penetrater. It's just a medical condition I struggle with. But anyway, sure is "sleepy" out tonight... ahh (stretches arm around girl)... Oh... oh no. Was that a virgin-eating bear I just heard outside our tent?

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The greatest lyricist I've ever heard.

-Ed Kowalczyk, Lead Singer of Live