Song Of The Day: Magical Mystery Tour / Beatles
Word Of The Day: Weltschmerz (n.) Sadness over the evils of the world, especially as an expression of romantic pessimism.
Today I woke up reminding myself not to confuse discomfort with suffering. It's a funny operation, the appearance of these cues from my higher self. That dynamic really began way back when I first read E.J. Gold's work, specifically the Life In The Labyrinth stuff. E.J. Gold is some hybrid of Shaminism, esoteric Buddhism, and a strong dose of the perennial philosophy, but brought forth in modern vernacular, with an incredibly refreshing and useful sense of this moment, this culture, this set of circumstances. I have always loved and gravitated toward spiritual figures that honor the Perrenial Wisdom of all traditions, but have the love, patience, and balls to discover the Dharma, the Mystery, the timeless Absolute as it unfolding in this particular time, in this relative confluence of phenomena. Cuz that always changes. The Absolute, unchanging. Its body, its manifestation, ceaseless change. They're the same. They're distinct. It's a total boner. Anyway, E.J. was one of a handful of dudes I felt immediately coming from THAT place, and THAT place is really...
transcending Lineage Mind.
at any rate, when I started reading Wilber (in my estimation, the Super Nova of everything I just said in the first paragraph), "I" was deposited into the witness. Over time, that abiding non-locatable observing the passing of all locations and states became more established and enduring (years, and we're still working it, baby). When I read E.J. Gold, what immediately appeared was a voice, a teacher -not E.J.- but my own higher Self began to teach to me. I would not call this the Absolute Self, or the radically impersonal Identity, but this is more like the deepest dimension of my own discrete entity. It's definitely not my personality, but it can come through my personality, it's not my soul, but the soul stands upon it. This voice is probably best described as the Master, as Genpo Roshi would describe it. This voice, or aspect, is always, always Awake. It is ever-present, but that doesn't mean it's ever-active, or ever inserting itself into the situation at hand. Sometimes I call it forth, but more often than not it just chimes in with a comment or directive. Fort instance, this morning I woke up, and as I got out of bed it just said
"Don't confuse discomfort with suffering."
I immediately understood. Actually, discomfort is an experience often attendent to the alleviation of suffering. As Agents in the Mystery, it's our gig to end suffering. But how do you end suffering? Through simple recognition of the already-free Self. But recognizing our true Nature -waking up- is often painful, very uncomfortable. Then, once we are awake, that's uncomfortable too. But don't worry, it gets worse. Then we are not only inhabiting and communing with our pain, but with the pain of all beings everywhere. That's uncomfortable, but quite useful.
And this speaks directly to a large portion of the spiritual technology Ken Wilber, E.J. Gold, and the other groovy diamonds in the Fourth Turning Of The Wheel have gifted us: Learning to operate in concordance with what is useful to the Mystery (and therefore all beings) in spite of the innumerable aversions, distortions, and fear-impulses built in to our Human Biological Machine (as E.J. would describe it). That's the FUN of the Human Vehicle. It's the only vehicle in the Kosmos that we KNOW of which accomodates both the Infinite Divine and the Finite Dhukka (both the same thing, but not till after you eat the Crystal Feces of your own Angelic Essence).
And when my Master spoke to me this morning and warned my not to confuse discomfort and suffering, it was a very helpful instruction. It reminded me there will inevitably be compelling experiences of emotion, physical sensation, thought -and deeper reaches of apprehension- which will be painful. That is not a problem. Some will woven into my personal story, some will be impersonal. My master was saying:
"Whatever it is, let it hurt as much as it hurts. Wherever it's from, do not block it, do not deny it, do not repress or avoid it. It is appropriate for hurt to hurt. It is useful for pain to be painful. It is not appropriate for hurt to become delusion. It's not natural for pain to become suffering. The distinction between the two lies in perceived Identity. In mistaken Identity, awareness locates itself as some particular content or quality. In actual Identiy, the awareness just IS, and allows everything else to be what it is. If you identify with what arises in time, you'll be trapped in it. If you identify with phenomena, you will be abused by it. If you identify with the timeless, you'll get stranded in it. Let time be time, and timelessness be timelessness. Do the work that needs to be done in the Mystery, and don't be afraid to engender discomfort in your selves or others, if it's in the sake of Clarity and the relief of actual suffering."
But the Master didn't have to say all that. It just said Don't confuse discomfort with suffering, and I got all that.
Having the Master at the wheel is really some kick ass shit, but it doesn't mean things won't be fucked up. All the other aspects of myself -good and bad- continue to do their thing. The Master has a bigger picture, and doesn't get all wound up about foibles unless they threaten to undermine or sabotage work in the Mystyer. Then the Master chimes in, and is like "Uh... here's what's up." I remember when I first got together with my wife, and I began to totally, completely fucking freak out and melt down because the more contracted aspects (the Controller, the Skeptic, the Wounded Child, etc) realized "they" were going to become a parent and a husband. We knew before we ever got together as a couple that if we did we would have a baby -soon. The more contracted voices started to protest, and sought earnestly to undermine the relationship. The fucking threw tantrums, planted land mines, and generally made every attempt to fuck it up. Eventually, the Master had enough, and he came in the room and was like: "Do whatever you have to do. I understand you're freaking out, and that's cool. But this IS happening. I appreciate your input, and it will be considered and included, because we do love you, but Stuart is getting married and having a baby. So do whatever you need to do to make peace with that and get the fuck on board. If you don't, I'll Radiate you fucks with so much Love it will render you inert for years to come. K? K." And the voices were like: "Mmmmm. Alright." And then they got on board, and did it. And then they fucking hated it, and the whole thing repeated itself, and still does all the time. But the point is not to remove those struggles, its to incorporate them and make them manageable. Dissonant pitches aren't just useful in a great symphony, they're indispensable. And so it is with aspects of Self. We can't begin to comprehend the manner in which transformatin occurs -dissonance, consanance, euphonious, cacaphanous- but we can develop a better Spiritual Technology in the working with all aspects, all dimensions, as they are arising in whatever context we find ourselves.
