Blog entry

M is for 'Mac'

Song Of The Day: Get Out Of This House / Shawn Colvin
Word Of The Day: Anuptaphobia / Fear of staying single

What's up ya'll? It's been a while since I've blogged, was on the road, then came home and have been contending with a lot of computer problems. My iMac completely crashed, had to replace the hard drive and all the memory. It's a new machine on the inside, but the same pearly white perfection on the outside. Can you believe how awesome Mac computers are? Even when they're broken and impotent, they're immeasurably preferable to anything else. I don't want to be a snob here, but let's face it: There's Macs, and there's the rest. You use a Mac for ONE day and that aspect of your life is fatalilstic pre-determined from then forward: Everything else is like using a typewriter with dead baby trapped inside it. I'm Mactually not exaggerating here. Maccept it. The fact that so many people use the myriad models of flaccid, UGLY, com-putrid PCs is a self-defeating wonder that ranks up there with fast-food binging and drug addiction. I mean, I'm a fan of irrational, against-the grain behaviour -my life is testament- but some things are beyond dispute. We have to drink water. We have to have oxygen. We must sleep. And if we use something besides a Mac, we are depriving our ever-digitized selves of basic sustenance and health. While we lament the marginalization of solar-powered electrical grids, fuel cells and wind-generators, we oddly maintain a Kosmic blind spot when it comes to computers. LOOKS and FEEL alone should be enough to convert every living soul to a Mac as the only viable candidate when it comes to techno-accessories, but when you dig into the guts of each machine, the disparity becomes embarassing. Macs do EVERYTHING better and make it all look like a billion micro-Angels in a ballet of bits. It's gotten to the point where I inadvertantly touch a PC and feel bile creep up my throat and sting my tongue. I'd rather read Dianetics for a week than vex my eyes for a nano with the repugnant spectre of hypnotic pablum that passes for the "design" on a Gateway. I'd rather drive a Pontiac from LA to Boston than type "I HATE BEAUTY" on a Dell. And make no mistake, whatever sequence of letters you may order your digits to assemble on a PC, every combination screams "I HATE BEAUTY" to a delicate, sensitive Universe. But you know what?

If everyone used a Mac I'd probably stop using them. It's part of what's so fun about them, being in on the secret, and watching in condescending dismay as the rest of the World wakes up each morning and kneels at the alter of shit-for-brains. I probably would have been a Christian back in the time of Christ, when he was designing the Macintosh of esoteric spirituality. Then the fucking Bill Gates brigade swarmed in and turned and twisted and tortured it into Microsoft Mysticism, and in no time you have the Council of Nicea and a capital "L" was put on the Lowest Common Denominator.

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The greatest lyricist I've ever heard.

-Ed Kowalczyk, Lead Singer of Live