Blog entry

Love

Love
Live

I am releasing my single and album to commercial radio, putting the CD into retail all over the U.S. Also finishing the first six episodes of a TV show. Finishing a book, making apparel, developing movies. It's quite intense.

So can I keep perspective? How can I find confirmation that my motives, my drive comes from the "right" place?

Is that even the right question? Is there one "right" motive? What would that be? Depends on who you ask. Today I am asking my self, and this is what comes through; There is more than one "right" reason to want a successful record. But some reasons are more right than others.

Over the course of my career, I've had conflicted feelings about the entertainment industry. More accurately, I've sometimes been conflicted about my role in it. There has been a part of me that wants to indulge. Binge. Submerge myself in Saturnalia. That part spent a decade sewing wild oats. But then more oats showed up. I still like to fuck, frolic, and fight my way through a night of naughtiness now and then. I guess even 15 years of meditation can't erase our 1st and 2nd chakras.

Another part loves to be the center of attention. Showboat. Performer.

Yet another part was born in love. In love with creativity, spontaneity, and the simple joy of discovery that is artistry. It is no exaggeration to say that creative Mystery has been my citadel, literally my "religion" since it re-connects me to something higher.

Still another facet is deeply devoted. Devoted to awakening, to serving, not only the realization of ultimate identity as Love, but also its expression in all beings. Setting each other free with that simple recognition that is inexpressible, but immediate. When we see each other clearly, without the distorted lens of our stories -we see God looking at God through God, arising in God dissolving in God. It sees Love looking at Love through Love, arising in Love, dissolving in Love. Just Reality, as-it-is.

I used to think the different parts couldn't get along. Like if I brought them to the same party, there would be a scandal. Embarrassment. Violence. I'm not a conspiracy type, but I think we are programmed (via mutual consent) to compartmentalize. We worship categories. Good, bad, lovable, deplorable. Sinful. Holy. Reality is more digestable parsed into these nuggets. The problem is we no longer have Reality. We have fragments.

My life in the entertainment World has been a Rubik's cube of these fragmented perspectives. I have been a hedonist, romantic artist, social revolutionary, mystic, father, husband, saboteur, savior. Since we're conditioned in the binary reflex, I kept trying to figure out which role was authentic, true.

They're all true. All genuine, all RIGHT. Some are more right than others. Let everybody on the tour bus, but only have one driver. Who's driving? Who's in charge?

The more ego-centered passion is, the more it craves and the less it has. It's an inverse equation. Think of a radius, a sphere. Everything inside the boundary is "I". Everything outside the boundary is "not-I". The less "I" includes, the more there is outside it. The more there is *out there* to crave, want, desire. Because it is literally beyond me, outside of my reach. I define my self by that separation. Impelled by the limit, I crave what is not "I". I want a bigger "I".

But do I crave my beating heart? Do I desire my finger tips as they type these words? Do I long for my eyeballs? The thoughts "I" have? No. It seems wacky to imagine craving your own beating heart, or longing to possess your own finger tips. But that's exactly what I do, all the time. When I long for love, when I crave the energy in sexual discovery, when I desire to possess, succeed, or attain.

What becomes clear (if we are blessed enough to be ushered into the Mystery in this way) is that boundaries are bogus. Every one is a chimera. They are still useful. They remain relevant. But relevant doesn't = Real. Inspected from the Point of All Places, boundaries are just beautiful ephemera. I am grateful to Show-Biz for showing me that. Very literally, my Tantric Teacher has been the Entertainment Industry (aka Samsara Circus). Oddly, my insatiable lust and craving have put me in contact with the simple recognition of what always, already is. We are free. That's our nature. There is no lack. Nothing is missing.

Back to the original question. Why do I want a hit record? Which boundary of "I" seeks that? They all have their reasons. Let each reason be. Also understand the reasons are not equal. Some have more Love than others.

One reason we make and share music is Love. That is very literally how Love spontaneously expresses itself. It's what Love looks like when the Light is refracted through millions of lamps. It's what it sounds like reverberating through one "I", or a billion. The Mystery loves echo. And echolalia.

Each motivation has its place, and we can distinguish among them.
The ego has its reasons.
The heart has its reasons.
The soul has its reasons.
Love has its reasons.

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