Blog entry

i love diet coke

Song Of The Day: Evil, Stevie Wonder (evil, why have you engulfed so many lives? leaving...)
Word Of The Day: FRUHS-jhok (it's a noun in IS meaning "a laugh that is stifled or supressed"

i love diet coke. i gave up coffee, i quit doing drugs and alcohol many years ago, quit smoking cigarettes years ago, i don't gamble, hunt, or steal, do not beat my wife, nor do i traffic pornagraphy. i keep a pretty clean house and car, i work hard, i love life, and you know what? i love diet coke. i like to drink three or four bottles a day, the big 24 ouncers, and you know what else? i fucking love the word "fuck". it's every part of speech you could ever hope for, without fuck you're fucking fucked, fucker. and what better to wash down a nuclear F word with than a DIET COKE. you know what's funny? i don't even like regular coke. i do not like it. i don't like cherry coke, caffeine free coke, old coke, Coke 2, or any other coke products. just diet coke. and i do not need to be on a diet. i'm skinny. but i LOVE diet diet diet coke. why?

aspertame.

fuck that's GOOD! no, i'm not kidding. i am drinking one right now. 24 fluid ounces of synapse-disabling chemical compounds, and you know what? that's AWESOME, cuz i do not, by any stretch of the imagination, need all my synapses, never have and that's what Aspertame-hating tight asses don't want YOU the thirsty innocent to KNOW. the brain is brilliantly engineered for exactly this kind of thing, our cortex affords a long leash when it comes to expirementing and luxuriating. last weekend i had acid droppers and ecstasy lovers telling me i should knock off the diet coke. well, i am here to judge them. the constituent toxins of acid attach to your spinal column, did you know that, blotter boy? ecstasy can kill you the first time you take it, did you know that? i didn't, until i started drinking DIET COKE and availing myself to the wisdom of its exponents. now i am sky-writing Coke Fucking Rocks on the clear canopy of my mind. i wish the same for you, and you, and...ok, you too.

Recent Tweets

Upcoming Shows

Stuart is not touring at this time.

Subscribe to Latest Shows from Stuart Davis

In the Press

Something Simple shimmers with pop savvy...

-USA Today