Blog entry

homo neanderthal. no, seriously, HOMO neanderthal...

song of the day: kiko and the lavendar moon / los lobos
word of the day: eviration / imasculation, the state of being imasculated, to dispossess one of manhood

so, anthropologist have discovered hard evidence that neanderthal man, oft-maligned as the phillistine of the paleolithic by cro-magnan man- yes, THAT neanderthal man, fashioned and played the flute. and did so beautifully. and that proves what i've said for years:

neanderthal man was gay.

but these new findings are also a big, thrusting pain in the ass, as we're forced to rework our conception and portrayal of these highly sensitive, tasteful creatures. other puzzling facts about them suddenly make more sense. it's time for modern humans to give props, and admit that we owe a great deal to these remarkable early homosexuals. for example, consider that:

*neanderthal man ceremonially painted the dead. this ritual adornment of corpses with cosmetics has been carried forth to this day.

*fossils remains (including a crude form of eye shadow, proto-hair brush, and lip gloss) prove neanderthal man had the most elegant sensibilities in prehistory. in addition to inventing the vanity mirror, he used stalactites to fashion the World's first crystal chandeliers, and incorporated amazing lighting to "pull it all together".

*internal cranial features indicate neanderthal man rolled his eyes a lot, and often curled up one eyebrow in a judgemental, dismissive manner (probably whenever observing the slovenly decorative efforts of Australopithecus' domociles)

*neanderthal man used fire... to light candles and incense.

*he cared for the aged and elderly, out of concern and, well, ok, a taboo attraction to their whispy grey pubic hair.

*neanderthal man was particular about hygeine. especially around the rim, balls, and perineum.

*and finally like i said, neanderthal man played the flute, and did it 43,000 years before poseurs like James Galway and that dude from Jethro Tull decided it was cool.

it's time for modern man to acknowledge his roots. if it weren't for our elegent and refined forebearers, we would still be a bunch of war-mongering apes, indulging our animal instincts and brutalizing each other with more technized versions of clubs and spears. why not designate a day to memorialize and celebrate our gay man-cestors? Homo Neanderthal Day. something as simple as getting some buddies together to don ape suits and fuck each other in the ass would do it. and then, let's remember- really remember in our hearts- that,

every day is Homo Neanderthal Day.

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