the EU over here has been in a big hubbub, cuz some dude tried to get some dude who's a homophobe to be one of the HEAD dudes of the EU commission of...something. they're all riled up, cuz the president or some high up important person in the EU parlaiment just tried to submit this one cat to an office of significance, and it just so happens this cat DON' LIKE DA' FAGS. also, he thinks women should stay the !@#$% home and shut up. yes, he's not so hot on women or gays. (that leaves farm animals, i guess...). well, the EU parlaiment, they were not very happy about this, no, no, cuz gay is hip, it's hot, it's totally Euro, and then Eddie Izzard got up in front of Parlaiment and he was like "caio!" and they all went yeah! and they said this homophobe woman-hating neanderthal politician guy who was up for the big promotion, they said this dude just had to go. and so then everyone booed him, and went "hiss" and that was it, today they pulled him out of the running as a submission for whatever it was. i've been following it in the news, see, but the the news is in DUTCH, so that's about what i've got to offer you as your correspondant over here in holland. now that' i've reported my bit on politics, i've got to editorialize, cuz that's one thing these euro buggers just don't get- they're still fixated on journalism. they've got an archaic, romantic loyalty to the has-been notion of objective reporting. hello? BORING! if i want facts i'll make them up myself, thank you. what i need to make an informed decision is the OPINION of the "journalist" on the screen, preferably delivered with as much smarmy hubris as one mis-shapen face can unload. but if no one's gonna do it over here, then i will. that's what i'm doing today, i have an american flag hat on, and american flag sunglasses, and an american flag shirt, with american flag shoes, and i'm going around asking Europeans questions, and then as soon as they start to answer, i JUMP in and yell the fuck in their face "listen, you lilly livered fucking FRENCH bread eating accent slurring, poly-glot mother @!#$%!! we SO saved you in Word War Two, and if it weren't for US, and if you don't like it you can take your GODLESS open-bordered population and..." i conclude by thanking them for being on my show and holding up their book. today i'm asking everyone about homo sexuality. i'm walking around with an (american-flag) penis-shaped microphone and asking them "should this homo phobe dude be allowed into parlaiment?" they start to answer, i go "you have SUCH an accent. your english sucks." then i strap on my editorializing dildo and go to brown town....