Blog entry

camel toe

word of the day: snullock / the last drops of semen dripping from a post-coital, increasingly flaccid penis.
song of the day: Lifetime Piling Up / Talking Heads

son of a bitch you guys! my macs are EATING it today. we had a snow storm here in colorado this last week, and the power went out in boulder a few times. i live in the sticks part of boulder, and the power goes out when wind blows, a dog barks, or a some spry teen lights off a bottle rocket. nonetheless, computers -even macs- do not like it when you shut them on and off randomly or vary their power supply. i'm aware of that, so i bought these super high speed $300 batteries, back up surge protectors combined with batteries, which are supposed to do ONE thing and ONE thing only, and that's protect your computers when there is a power surge or a power black out. well, there was, and so far my expensive fancy battery system has failed 100% of the time. power went out three times, and the batteries let my computers go dead three times. anyway, the third time i came in to find them shut off and turn them on, my iMac (20 inch screen, it's the freaking bomb) became slow. like sending smoke signals across circuitry in order to compile ones and zeros into data bits. it was quicker watching a new species emerge in nature than it was watching a page load on my iMac. well, then it just FROZE. that was it, couldn't even get it to turn on past the first image (that beautiful little apple with a bite taken out of it, and the white / grey back ground i love so much). my dear friend and mac expert Tripp Lanier helped me for hours on the phone trying to get the thing running again, no luck. it's a goner. so then i got on the phone with Apple Care, and they said, "it's fucked" after an hour. i'm taking it in tomorrow. i'm typing to you now from my powerbook, which has strangely, suddenly started performing in a like manner. am i positioning these things over a vortex or something? sun spots? indian burial ground? i don't know, but now i plug in my powerbook, and it is SO SLOW. it won't even load 80% of the web sites i put in the browser. i have high speed cable connections for these things, but it's so 56K right now i could cry. it's Apple sauce. i can't even put links in this blog because it won't load google. ok, disregard that. my friend Tripp just told me to shut off the cable box, leave it a bit, and turn it on again and see if that helps. it worked, so i'm going to add links to the blog...

my wife and i went to dance class together this morning, it was fun as hell. 13 women in dance pants and ME, doing my best imitation of a man trying to dance his way out of an invisible time machine set three seconds behind every one else in the room. no matter how hard i try, i have two options; i can either move my body in a coordinated fashion with a three or four second lapse behind what the teacher and the rest of the class are doing, OR i can keep up with them and trip, fumble, and flop my maladroit body like a booze addled, gawky teen being electrocuted. i can't keep up with the class and maintain smooth motion. i've NEVER been able to do that. the teacher introduces a new dance move about every 30 or 45 seconds, and it takes me about 30 seconds to get the hang of what she just taught us. i'm always like "wha, what's that? how do you...OH, i get it..." and by that time, the rest of the class is half way through the next move. it used to bug me, cuz me wife is a great dancer, and so are most of the women there, and i pretty much look silly. on top of that, i'm always wearing my WIFE'S dance pants, which are six inches -at least- too short for me. i walk in and people are like "is that guy wearing knickers?" i look like huck fin without a raft. my white, white, WHITE shins make people squint and blink. today i didn't care, it was fun. who gives a shit if i look stupid and i'm clumsy? if i just drop that, and focus on the class, i really get a lot out of it. first of all, it's cool to be out of your element. being the only man, doing something i'm not good at, in clothes that don't fit keeps me feeling humble. the teacher really puts us through moves that i do not have any acquaintance in yoga, or performing, or weightlifting, etc. for one hour i try to get my body to do things it doesn't want to do, and i think it helps me get some new perspectives. i'll tell you another thing; i may be the only man, i may be wearing dance pants that are way to small and tight, but i have what is easily the biggest camel toe in the room. that's just the kinda girl i am; no undies, huge balls, a dancing Danish sprite.

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