Song Of The Day: Pop Life / Prince
Word Of The Day: Motitation (n.) / A quivering moment

There's a concept in parenting called something like 80% Good-Enough-Parenting. The idea is that you don't want to over-parent. Parents who are 100% "perfect" produce neurotic kids, so says the theory. What is ideal is 80% Good Enough Parenting. This is roughly the proportion that will provide the right amount of stability, consistency, and foundation, but still leave room enough for the child to discover their autonomy, self-determination, and learn from mistakes, pain, and so on. I always kid my wife that we're right on the money, cuz she's 100% and I'm 60%, and together we dial right in at 80%. It's a joke, but it points to the truth in our divergent parenting styles, and reflects our daughter's undeniable distinction in behaviour depending on which parent she's with. If she's with me, she tends to be independent, autonomous, and far less whiny. If she's with her mom, she tends to be much more sensitive, dependent, and fused. I think it balances out just right. You wouldn't want her to be raised exclusively by either of these polarities, but together they form a coherent continuity.

I think a person could extend this notion to many things, including spirituality. 80% Good-Enough-Practice is, in some ways, preferable. The people who are 100% perfect, fixated on the precise, technically "correct" completion of tasks, stages, rituals, etc, tend to be tight assed doctrinaires. I'm not saying a person shouldn't do their damndest to nail Oryoki, but if you're good with bowls and bad with people, you might want to re-focus your effort. I only mention this cuz I've always tended toward being that kind of butthead with some things. I'm fucking anal, and I can spend days polishing inanimate objects while I neglect personal relationships.

"Uh, Honey, your daughter is crying"

"Hey, check out this shiny door knob!"

And so on.

It's gotten much, much better since I got married had a kid, cuz you can't escape. Before I could go practice or go on a retreat or be in relationship when I wanted to, at my choice and discretion. But now that ain't the way. You are a dad and husband when it's hot, blissful, and hilarious, and you're a dad and husband when it's messy, fucked up, and excruciating. It doesn't matter what your 100% plans are, sooner or later you're gonna be the 80% dude. And the 60% dude, and the 20% dude...